A lot of people believe that they are stuck with the mindset they have—that they are just a negative person or a glass-half-empty kind of person. They usually feel there’s nothing they can do about it. But that’s not true! You can change your mindset, and when you do, you open yourself up to a world of possibilities.
Have you ever met those people who are just smiling all the time? They exude positivity and seem like they have all of their shit together.
They say things like . . .
- stay positive
- better days are coming
- go with the flow
- don’t worry, be happy (the most famous one)
When I was a kid growing up, I used to see people like this who just smiled all the time. It seemed like nothing bothered them. They’d have these inspirational, motivational things that they’d say.
And all I wanted to do was puke. Because no matter how many self-help books I bought, things I read, courses that I went to, or clubs that I joined, I didn’t have what it took to feel positive and smile all the time.
I would repeat these quotes, mantras, and affirmations, and I’d still feel depressed, anxious, overwhelmed, and stressed. I figured something was wrong with me because I magically could not spin around dancing and saying happy things like Mary Poppins.
I didn’t have it in me.
So, when I lived in Australia and had some issues, I sought an alternative medicine doctor.
She did all the tests on me, looked at me, listened to me, and at the end of it, she said, you’re completely healthy. Everything’s fine, but how you speak to yourself is killing you.
My jaw dropped, and my eyes popped out of my head because I had never heard a medical professional, let alone a doctor, saying those things to me. And then she was able to point it out to me. It’s like she saw right through me, the inside and the out of me, the good and the bad.
So I am forever grateful to that doctor for stopping me back in Australia and helping me realize that I was really mean to myself. She gave me the most remarkable advice.
Next, she told me to see an NLP practitioner, so I found a local coach nearby and started having sessions with her. This coach helped me figure out what I was thinking, what I was saying, what I was saying about other people, and how mean and nasty I spoke to myself.
I couldn’t believe it and didn’t know there was such a thing.
So, after a few sessions with my NLP coach, I felt fantastic. I could not get enough of it. So I signed up for her mentor’s training; the rest is history.
I’ve fallen into the most fantastic journey of coaching on the planet. I found a unique way to create a positive mindset by changing my thinking and speaking about myself. Boy did this change many things for me . . . and the people I was around.
And I want to do the same for you.
So, I will share one of those critical components from my journey and all the work I’ve done with my coaches and clients.
It’s all about self-talk.
Change Your Mindset and Be More Positive: Self-Talk
You might not even be aware that you have self-talk, but it is the chatter inside your head. Yes, all those thoughts about yourself, things that are happening around you in the world, and the state of affairs in life. Typically, this happens without you being aware and often occurs throughout the day. It might sabotage your day and energy if you don’t catch it.
Your self-talk has lots of power, and it can make you feel good or make you feel bad. Of course, once you learn how to have more positive self-talk, you will know how to turn it on and feel more positive all the time.
Sure, I could have some negative self-talk going on, and I can feel bad. But now I know I have the power and choice to give in to those negative self-talk phrases or cut them off, stop them, and use my positive self-talk language.
So I ask you . . . Have you ever listened to how you speak to yourself and about yourself?
Are you rooting for yourself, or are you beating yourself up?
And many times, if you have not been aware of this, this is a fun exercise because it stops you in your tracks.
One way to become more aware of this is to start paying attention and know that if this feels weird and you feel like a freak for doing this, you’re not alone. This is how I’ve done this with myself and my clients. It’s empowering and so impactful for you because it changes everything.
The problem is that if you are unaware of this and let these mental meanies go through your head, you will feel bad and run down and get sicker. And I say it’s better to catch them now on that slippery slope that they send you down than to put them off even longer because I want to help you feel better about yourself and your skin.
1 – Figure It Out
To begin improving your self-talk, first, you must figure out what it is. So, as always, I tell you to get out of your journal or a notebook or open the notes section on your phone. And throughout the day, incredibly when you’re rushed or feeling overwhelmed or stressed or frustrated, catch yourself and jot down what you’re saying in your mind.
A lot of times, you might have thoughts like,
- darn it, stupid
- you did this
- you’re not good enough
- I’m never going to make it
- I won’t get there on time
- I’m an idiot
And all those famous phrases we’ve said to ourselves before, some of which might have profanities built into them, just like I did as a Jersey girl.
2 – Write it Down
So as you jot them down, please let them settle. And at the end of the day, go home and read what you wrote and take each one. And as you read it, feel where in your body or your space.
How does it make you feel?
When it comes to self-talk phrases, I can guarantee some of them have been negative. You might have noticed that you feel tight and achy and maybe a tummy ache or something’s just not right and unsettled in you, and write that down.
The more you become aware of yourself, the better you can help yourself.
3 – Cross Negative Thoughts Off Your List
So then, after you’ve broken down and written down how it makes you feel and captured where you think that in your body, you have the power and the choice to look at those phrases and start to cross out the ones you don’t like.
You can change them so that they are more empowering and more positive so that you feel more empowered and more positive when you’re saying these things about yourself. So, for example, if you catch yourself saying, oh, I messed up, I’m not good enough, replace those phrases with I’m doing the best that I can.
Every day, in every way, I’m learning something new and taking chances to be different and to learn how to do things better. That’s way more positive and uplifting than saying, ‘I’m not good enough.’
Embrace Your Feelings
So the cool part is, as an adult, you have this power, this awareness, and this ability to choose your thoughts and words and get a result of feeling so much better about yourself so that you can succeed. You can have great days instead of sabotaging yourself or stifling yourself. As my clients tell me, they get in their way. And one of the things I love about doing this exercise is that you can use what Tony Robbins calls incantations.
As I’ve said before, a lot of those positive motivational quotes and affirmations didn’t work for me, and it’s because they weren’t mine. I didn’t believe in them. I didn’t embody them. And Tony Robbins has taught us so beautifully to create our chants, our self-talk empowering phrases so that when you say them, they let you up, you get excited. I do mine, and I jump up and down. I skip around the house, and I feel empowered.
I feel positive, and I believe in them because they came for me. I made them myself. As opposed to when you were a kid, you probably picked up sayings that were put into you by your adults, caregivers, or people around you. And now you can say, no, I’m done with them. I want to create my new, more empowering, positive self-talk.
I invite you to be your coach; get curious and figure out what is happening between these ears.
What are you saying to yourself? Take the time to pause, jot these things down, and read over them at the end of the day and start to understand how those self-talk phrases are landing in your body, creating tension in your life, speeding you up, keeping you going, shooting you all over the place, and making you feel terrible about yourself.
Start to pay attention to the ones you want to eliminate. Put a line through them, say no to them, and start rewriting the self-talk phrases that will help you create a mindset to feel more positive and to show up more happy and vibrant for your family and work.
Embrace, embody and feel how amazing they make you think, and do that again and again, every day.
And I’m telling you, after 30 days, you will feel more lit, vibrant, and positive. So if this sounds like a super big challenge and complex, but you want help and overcome this, find me.
You can change your self-talk to become friends with your mind and become more friendly and loving, caring, and compassionate with yourself. And it will change your mindset so that you can be more positive.
I don’t provide all this helpful information for you to do this all on your own. . . I’m here to help you.