Did you know that we can have energetic parts that keep us stuck and constantly sabotaging ourselves?
As a TCM NLP coach (Transformational Coaching Method, Neuro-Linguistic Programming), this is one of my favorite topics in techniques, tools, and awareness.
Why are you stuck?
We all have typical stress in our life on a regular day. We’ve also had this colossal pandemic and situations that have thrown us all out of our routines.
It happens more often than you think—it’s post-traumatic stress.
And for some of us, it’s kicked up a notch – to a new level.
If you’re unfamiliar with a traumatic, abusive, or significant stressful environment, now you know we’re all feeling it together after this pandemic.
Honestly, stress and significant emotional events like this will kind of, let’s say, stimulate or give birth to a part.
What do self-sabotage and being stuck look like for me?
So many times, I’ve heard this or said it myself:
- a part of me just can’t stop eating sweets or salty things (like popcorn)
- there’s this part of me that just feels so guilty
- self-sabotaging happens every time I try to make a difference in my life
. . . and so on.
Those are just three of the many examples. It’s like a little energetic piece that cleaved off at some point in your life and was created to do a particular job for you.
And it’s been doing that job for you so beautifully in your life, especially if you were a binge or stress eater, an overeater, a smoker, or a drinker.
Like a friend of mine that is addicted to thrift shopping, we have parts of us that have tendencies to repeat certain behaviors repeatedly.
So often, this is happening, but we don’t realize it.
Do you ever refer to some part of you like it’s acting against you?
For example, I’m standing at the fridge eating but don’t remember how I got there.
Maybe there’s a part of you that is undermining your success and putting limits on you for a reason.
Is this normal?
The thing that I want you to understand from this is that you are not weird.
You’re not a freak.
You’re not alone.
Your behaviors are a sign that something out of your awareness isn’t working.
Somewhere along the line in your life, you had to endure or survive a significant emotional event like trauma, or abuse. One big thing or a bunch of little things repeatedly caused this behavior. It often happens unconsciously, out of our awareness.
It becomes this little piece of your being that will protect you.
I have a client whose father abused her. To cope with the shame, the disgust, the hateful feelings from him, and how she felt about herself, she developed an eating disorder, and she learned to binge and used certain foods to comfort herself.
As she perpetuated this part, with the intention of calming, numbing, and making her feel protected, she put on more and more weight. Adverse effects can happen when you are unconsciously suffering, scared, feeling alone, and/or abandoned—or like you don’t belong and have no ground to stand.
She unconsciously created this part that would use food to make her feel better and pack on the pounds.
This is just one of the thousands of examples of how we unconsciously keep ourselves stuck.
Acknowledgment and Acceptance
If you feel that something is off inside of you or there are bad habits that you can’t seem to change, there could be a part of you sabotaging your success.
My goal is to help my clients make and rejoin those parts, so they are whole again. So that their mind, heart, gut, and entire being are aligned on the same page.
Those other parts were sabotaging and holding you back. So we need to clear them out. We find the positive intention for ourselves and then focus on that.
Sometimes it’s hard to let go because you are benefiting from this part running in your life because it’s doing something to:
- protect you
- keep you safe
- help you feel loved and belonging
Regardless of how that world looks, just know that it could work against you.
Each part has its own set of beliefs. For example, it could go right for the chips. Nothing stops that part from eating them all and filling up until you are numb and satisfied.
This little personality is like a memory triggered. It’s got a thinking part, feeling part, and doing part. It does this so fast to keep you safe and protected, stuck where you are.
If you’re fearful of success, of becoming who you really want to be, or of shedding those pounds, the parts do what needs to be done to protect you and keep you safe.
But this part is what keeps you in your comfort zone.
My job is to push you out of your comfort zone.
Moving Forward
But how do I get rid of that part?
How do I make it go away?
How do I become whole again?
It is the most magical, beautiful transformational experience to watch a client integrate those parts, release them, and become friends with them. It’s amazing when their entire face shifts, softens, flushes, and their breathing slows down.
Their awareness slows down, and they beam because they feel so relieved that those powerful parts have finally been spoken to, hugged, loved, and addressed.
That’s when they can be integrated. And then you have a new whole being where you can take steps forward easier because nothing is going on that’s knocking you off your path.
It’s exhilarating.
And the tool that I use is called parts integration, is fabulous.
The Takeaway
If you are curious about this for yourself, I invite you to take your journal and jot down what you’re saying to yourself. You will be listening for “there’s a part of me” in your phrases.
My clients have said that their part has a color, a shape, and even sounds like someone they know. Take some time to ponder, “What/Who is that part?” and “Where did that part come from?”
I found a part with my father and mother when I did this exercise. They were still parenting me in specific ways, even as an adult. They were also fighting against each other and sabotaging me in the process. When those parts are acknowledged and rejoined, it’s like you birth something new inside of you.
It is a very wild and wonderful process. You don’t have to be afraid of it. You do not have to feel shame or blame yourself or think you’re crazy . . . because you’re not.
The power of your mind, body, and being creates something to help you feel safe, loved, and a sense of belonging.
This is one of my absolute favorite tools to help clients become whole, complete, and aligned again, so they are on the path to getting what they want. Helping them commit and stick to their plan to be that person dream to be in their lifetime.
